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    querían terminar con la despedida de soltero a lo grande, después de
    una prolongada fiesta con todos los ingredientes que necesitaban, después de un día de opíparas comidas
    y con más botellas, cubos de alcohol, y barrabasadas sin fin, decidieron acercarse a un viejo club de putas, que tampoco eran jóvenes, para allí acabar con aquella
    despedida, que querían pasarse a la historia, más bien a
    la historia de sus jóvenes vidas. Como ninguno de ellos sobrepasaba los 25 años
    consideraban que todo lo que hiciesen seria poco.

    Se fueron a este club de putas ya maduras, fue porque ellos sabían que en los que eran más jóvenes, no
    aceptaban nos, más bien extraño. Las mujeres que allí
    encontraron todas eran mayores de 40 años. Era de suponer que estos debían atender a pensionistas que el gobierno de la nación, los había condenado casi
    a la indigencia, olvidando que a estos, también se les ponía dura y que de
    cuando en cuando les apetecería, tocar algún culo, aunque este
    tuviese 50 años. Estaba claro, que los culos de sus mujeres, tenían más de 20 años, que los del club.
    Y encima, algunos ya no estaban para saltos de armario.
    La que no tenia artrosis, había perdido el vello de su chocho, como también los había que querían que
    se las tirase algún joven que después de terminar volviese a
    empezar; y esto, aquellos pensionistas ya no lo lograban.

    Cuando entraron en el local, que olía a perfume de bajo precio comprado en las tiendas
    chinas, solamente quedaban 2 clientes tomando
    una consumición en el mostrador. Casi era la hora de cerrar.
    El que llevaba más litros ingeridos de agua de fuego, – como decían los indios americanos en las películas y refiriéndose
    al whisky – acercose a la dueña del prostíbulo que estaba al final de la barra
    para preguntarle cuanto les cobraría por cerrar
    la puerta del club, quedándose ellos solos con sus pupilas hasta que se cansasen. La dueña que ya arrastraba sus 60 años con más penas que glorias, le
    dijo que aquello les iba a costar 2.500€.- Ella sabía
    que ni con una semana lo sacarían. Como los 2 clientes que allí había no llevaban idea de marcharse les ofreció no cobrarles si se iban.

    Ya con la puerta cerrada, y las luces exteriores también poniendo la música de
    maquina a todo volumen empezaron a bailar con aquellas señoras que
    ejercían el oficio más antiguo de la humanidad y que tal como se iba calentando el ambiente
    e igual que sus clientes acabaron bailando desnudas. Incluso la muy veterana dueña se añadió a la
    fiesta. La pobre, a la que ya se le caían los pechos como si fueran peonzas,
    mantenía en buena conservación un culo como los que pintaron los clásicos hacia varios siglos.
    Ella fue la que primero recibió en este la primera estocada de
    la noche. Después, sus pupilas hicieron lo mismo.

    Cuando ya llevaban vaciadas más de media docena
    de botellas de champan, al más aguerrido de aquellos clientes.

    Se le ocurrió la parida de la noche, eso sí, que la actora de aquella
    escena se dejase fotografiar con el whatsapp, aún que fuese de espaldas.
    La elegida aceptó encantada; nunca…. Nunca en su vida, tuvo una petición como
    aquella. Todo y que había conocido a lo más florido
    de la especie humana. Esta, en la única mesa que
    había en el club, y ayudándola a subir en ella,
    para que no volcase la pobrecita, cumplió admirablemente con la petición de aquel
    cliente, aunque eso sí, le costó un poco. Agachándose
    y en cuclillas encima de la mesa tanta fuerza, hizo que se le escapó un pedo más que memorable de raros olores, para después soltar la gran cagada.
    Por detrás, el cliente de la petición pudo hacer varias fotos para la posteridad.
    Todos los que allí pudieron observar aquella obra maestra,…
    todos, aplaudieron a rabiar. Quizá de haber estado allí el gran Dalí,
    hubiese podido pintar un lienzo posiblemente de
    incalculable valor, por ser más bien único. Una de las
    colegas de aquella, cargada de champan y más contenta que un ocho, como tenía necesidad, de hacerlo,
    se ofreció a repetir la escena. Para que todo quedase bien en las próximas
    fotos, entre dos sacaron la mesa por la puerta trasera en donde había una manguera con agua
    a presión y la lavaron.

    Después, se repitió la esplendida escena. Subieron a la chica a la que la vejiga
    ya la apretaba fuertemente esta casi no tuvo tiempo de agacharse, se le escapó
    como un torrente toda la carga, tanto… que salpicó al fotógrafo de
    turno que tenia detrás cámara en mano. – el olor que deprendió tan fuerte era
    que al perfume de los chinos con que limpiaban el local, lo barrió como un vendaval.

    Esta vez, además de la manguera tuvieron que recurrir a la fregona para recoger
    lo del suelo. Después en donde tiraban un litro de aquel
    liquido perfumado chino, tuvieron que tirar 3 botellas de 1 litro.

    Pasados más de 10 años de aquella noche con despedida de soltero a la que siguió la
    boda y posterior – mucho tiempo después – divorcio.
    En el imaginario público, aun perduraba la célebre noche de las
    grandes cagadas.

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